Saturday, December 31, 2005
New Years Day 2006
It is New Years Day Morning 2006, the Year 18 of this Emperor of Japan.
It is Cloudy and overcast, but I am not complaining: it has made it a little warmer.
Li is still in bed recovering from last nights festivities, JiXiang is tearing apart another cupboard, and I am listening to some music and writing this.
Jixiang woke me up just a few minutes after midnight for some milk so I got to see the new year come in.
She then woke me up at 5 this morning complaining that I am an overly worried mom and she was too warm: too many blankets.
Mom called me at six thirty this morning to wish me a Happy New Year and asked me:
-How are you really?
I am fine: completely and totally fine. I am not ok and never will be but ya, I am fine.
I said in my previous post that I was going to take the time last night and write a therapeutic mental healing post: never did. I never felt I actually had to. A few weeks ago I did feel the need to write my heart out but I guess in the last few days I have been writing the post in my head and didn’t need to put the words down. I had a few cries, usually during makeup application time, bloody Murphy and his laws.
I miss my sister, can’t put that in words what have enough meaning. I always will, and this is a day that is the hardest for many people in my family: it is the beginning of the end.
It is a day that will stay in my memory until the day I die.
But I have decided it is not worth living it over again and again every year: Alisha would never allow it and I guess in a way she hasn’t, because she got it through to me that life is more important. Contrary to what many people believe, my sister and I could always communicate very well.
I recently told a fellow blogger that my sister has the same love and theory on world traveling that she has, and that even though she was no longer traveling in the physical sense, you can be damn sure she is out there right now checking out her latest travel ideas. I honestly believe this. I don’t think Alisha has rested a single moment since she died. I think she has been busier and more active and has seen more worlds and lands than she would have ever dreamed of.
So to the Aunt, who pisses me off every year at this time with her traditional email that says:
-I cant believe she is gone.
She ISNT GONE! She is alive and well inside my daughter, in side my heart and in the heart of all who truly loved her. If you really loved Alisha then you would accept this and move on. LIVE!
It is what Alisha is still doing now.
On a completely and totally unrelated note:
Li came home last night complaining about missing me. He is starting to really hate going out in the evenings without me. He doesn’t want to stay home because he gets very bored, but only one of us can go out, the other must stay home with JiXiang. He is starting to get frustrated about that. I was invited out to New Years Dinner with his friends last night, (first time ever, wow) they really wanted JiXiang to come along. But Li told them NO WAY because every one in Japan smokes and there was no way Ji was going into a loud restaurant on New Years that was also smoke filled. What a good daddy.
Here is a walk down memory lane:
New Year 2004
Post Card 2004
New Year 2005
Post Card 2005