Saturday, August 12, 2006

Did I mention..?

I am not enjoying Canadian life right now.

My job is good and so is my husbands, my daughter is happy but I just don’t enjoy being here.

I moved my family here so that my daughter would have more of a chance to mingle with her family, so that there was family support regarding ToddlerJi, and so that she would have an education that my husband and I are more in agreement with.
I just hope I don’t grow to resent her and this move.

Well I already resent this move.
I have on far more occasions than I can count questioned why I spent basically ALL of our hard earned savings to cross the world and enter a life back in Canada that I clearly forgot I enjoyed leaving behind. I am remembering on every corner why I was so happy to leave – whether it is the street violence, the government crap, being distanced from family politics, and yes, even being away from the horses.

In general, I feel really crappy right now.

I like my job, and there are a lot of possibilities there: I actually feel comfortable there.

I don’t feel comfortable anywhere else though.

It doesn’t matter how well I word things, how perky I sound, how happy or positive, everyone seems to be jumping all over me and accusing me of being negative which in turn is making me more negative thinking.

Then there is the fact that just about, ohh, everyone, including my own family, talks to me as if I have not even been gone the last six years, like they didn’t even notice.

Umm NO I have no clue who or what it is you are talking about, what building or bloody street it is on.

It is infuriating me.

And yet they forget that I have been gone for six years when it comes to people and places but assume that because I have been gone for six years I have forgotten all the things that I trained to do for the 20 years before I left. Umm no – still know how to ride a horse, drive a car, type a letter, talk to people, go banking and ask for directions. I am still quite capable of deciding what type of bike I want to buy and how much money I want to spend on something. I know what side of the street to walk on and can make basic life decisions by myself.

And I have tried to talk about this with people but those that are actually doing this to me don’t listen and end up treating me like I am being a bitch. So I bottle everything up, it boils more, my husband and I end up snarky at each other more and then when I do get mad I am once again labeled as an ungrateful bitch.

I also haven’t been reading other peoples blogs, which I loved to do, partly because I don’t have my own computer back yet and partly because I cant seem to make myself do it. To those of you I am not reading, I am sorry and I do miss you. Soon I will be back to being me, I hope it is soon.

Did I mention that I am not enjoying my Canadian life right now?

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Posted by (Top)Andrea::8/12/2006 :: 14 Comments:

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