Thursday, March 02, 2006

A WOZERS massage..... ahhhhhh...

I am on holiday today and I got a massage this morning!!!

And not just any ol’ massage: a Lymph Massage.

Ya I didn’t know what the hell that was either, hehe, but I was at my nail salon the other day and this lady walked out of the massage room looking like her whole body was made of jelly and soooooo relaxed that I just had to try.

First I needed to educate myself:

The lymphatic system acts as a secondary circulatory system. Unlike the circulatory system, the lymphatic system is not closed and has no central pump; the lymph moves slowly and under low pressure due mostly to the milking action of skeletal muscles. Like veins, lymph vessels have one-way valves and depend mainly on the movement of skeletal muscles to squeeze fluid through them. Rhythmic contraction of the vessel walls may also help draw fluid into the lymphatic capillaries. This fluid is then transported to progressively larger lymphatic vessels culminating in the right lymphatic duct (for lymph from the right upper body) and the thoracic duct (for the rest of the body); these ducts drain into the circulatory system at the right and left subclavian veins.
Lymph vessels are present in the lining of the gastrointestinal tract. While most other nutrients absorbed by the small intestine are passed on to the portal venous system to drain, via the portal vein, into the liver for processing, fats are passed on to the lymphatic system, to be transported to the blood circulation via the thoracic duct. The enriched lymph originating in the lymphatics of the small intestine is called chyle. The nutrients that are released to the circulatory system are processed by the liver, having passed through the systemic circulation. The lymph system is a one-way system (interstitial fluid back to blood).


So I got those suckers massaged today and wowzers, very interesting.

The massage lasted for an hour and a half and was not what one would normally consider a massage. What she did was these amazingly deep rubs into the lymph tracts to get them flowing and unblocked. CRAP but it could hurt when she hit a blocked area. You could actually feel the suckers clearing out.

But it was so odd in another way. It hurt, but I never tensed up when it did: my whole body still remained totally relaxed, except for my eyes and gritting teeth. When I get a normal massage and they find a bad spot my entire body goes into tension spasms.

So this is what happened:
I arrived and I was brought into a VERY pink room with a raised bed in it. The room temperature had been set really warm. She told me to strip down to my total nothings and then to put on these underwear thingies that I so should have taken a photo of. Hehe They resembled a see-through sumo diaper. HAHA! They were supposed to give you the feeling of not being naked: didn’t work.

Did a very good job of making me feel slutty.

I crawled under the blanket and lets just say that my nail girl has now see every – single – bit – of – me – NAKED! It is really amazing what you allow to happen to your body after you have had a baby. A few years ago I would never consider this but now I just don’t care.

I was first cocooned into the plastic bag and zipped up in a heavy heating pad type sleeping bag. The only thing that was showing was my head. It was sooo warm and sooo comfortable, I was seconds from being passed out when she came back ten minutes later.

She then unzipped the bag and started on my neck. HOLY CRAP! The right side of my neck was sooooo bad. It took her a few extra deep rubs to get things moving and wow but I could feel a difference. She then did the area under my armpits and my eyes almost popped out when she did my left armpit. She kept mumbling ‘painful, painful’ to herself as she was doing it.

Plugged lymph nodes mean water retention and I SWEAR to you my fat flabby arms actually look thinner. I am not joking. The hangy flabby part that women try desperately to hide was barely visible when I looked in the mirror later.

She did the area between my breasts and I was actually amazed that it didn’t hurt, but when she did my stomach I could tell immediately that I have just finished ‘that time of the month’: wow.

And yes men, she also massaged those lymph nodes in the groin area and I would like to say that there was nothing sexual about it: IT HURT! But my hips feel looser. Hmm

She also did my whole back, down my but cheeks (which hurt like hell) and my legs. The area behind my right knee almost made me cry. The area just before my big right toe was soooooo painful. It totally amazed me how after only a few passes she could get things moving and then there was no pain.

She even did my face and head.

Actually this was a little funny. She put her hands on my face and immediately went:

-ohhh, sooo small.

I guess my face is much narrower than an Asian girls face and she was all in awe about this. Hehe.

After I was cocooned again, my face was mist steamed and then a mask was applied. I laid in pampered heaven for ten odd minutes and had a hell of a time getting up when I was done.
I walked slowly, had to pee like a race horse cause the juices were definitely flowing, then drowned both glasses of what ever liquid it was she put in front of me. I was sooo thirsty.

-drink, drink, drink.


It was a little expensive but I feel amazingly light and I have no pain anywhere in my body from this. It felt wonderful.

I might just do this again before we leave.

Beckster left me this excellent link explaining the benefits of Lymph Massage.

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Posted by (Top)Andrea::3/02/2006 :: 20 Comments:

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