Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Why I Blog

I was going to tell you about many other things today and I was going to answer a comments question, but things changed dramatically this morning when I checked in to Holly’s blog and discovered it gone.
I found Holly a few months ago and have enjoyed her ever since. I enjoyed her ranting and her crazy sense of humour, and I found it very interesting reading about the life of a young woman that was struggling through pretty much the same things I did when I was her age.
She wrote her feelings in her blog.
But it is a blog, not her.

This leads to the question of:
What is a blog?

It is first and foremost not the real person!!!!!!
You have no real idea as to who I REALLY am, and I don’t have a clue as to who Holly or any of you really are.

This blog is just a way to get my thoughts out in one puking motion without anyone interrupting me. Without anyone trying to psycho analyze me before I have even finished my thought. It is a place that lets me breath. I have lived my life with two parents who are always trying to take my words, and the words of my siblings and analyze them. STOP IT!!! Just let me talk and analyze myself before you guys, or the other non-parent people out there, open your mouths.
There is nothing worse than being told that my rant was unproductive and accomplished nothing. Well I am sorry to tell you this (insert a particular persons name) but it accomplished a hell of a lot. I was able to understand what was really pissing me off, or making me sad, or screwing up my life. Understanding is the first step to fixing any problem. More problems are created when you prevent me from thinking, releasing and talking.

I use my blog as a release and as a memory lane.

I was trying to use this blog as a larger release but some stupid comments and a few people who never actually read what I was saying properly or took what I puked out literally, has prevented me from doing any more gut wrenching pukes. I now gut wrench inside my head and never put it down in this blog. I have often considered starting another blog with the most obscure name possible that none of you could ever find just so I have a place to spit up the bile, but I haven’t yet; too confusing really.

My blog memories are good and bad. They are cool memories from Japan and things that have hurt my heart. I have never let you all really know how I feel about many things. Some of you would probably never talk to me again. I love you all and am sure you have secret negative feelings about some of the things that I do and you don’t tell me.
I would love to release some of this but I don’t, as I know that many of you would take it all literally and become enemies instead of family and friends.
I write some analysis of Japan stuff more for my interest than for yours. I like that kind of stuff and don’t want to forget it. I know that I can return to my blog and remember crazy things like the funeral/ memorial at the temple in Tokyo on Friday.
I know that some of you think that it is cool as well, and great! I am happy that you enjoy it. I really truly am!!
If I get some facts wrong please tell me politely, but don’t think I am deliberately screwing up facts because I am an insensitive idiot or something like that.
I am probably the most sensitive person you could ever meet.
I cry during commercials for Christ sakes!!! I have panic attacks that I spoke the wrong Japanese word and just insulted an old man that I have never met before.

So then there is the question;
Why do we blog? Why not just put it into a paper journal that no one can read?

I tried a paper journal once, I think I did two entries and never wrote again.
I have three reasons why I have continued this blog:
One: It was originally started so that family people could keep up with my continuing saga here in Japan.
It became so much more though.
I started this blog after Alisha died and I never realized that there was so much I needed to say from all angles of life. I was never a big talker before Alisha died but she has made me feel the need to express myself more than ever before. At first I was writing these VERY long emails and sending them out to people, then the wonderful Z told me about the blogging world and I have never looked back from there.

Two: I actually type faster than I can write, and the computer has spell check. If I write in a journal with a pen I end up scribbling all over the damn page as my lack of spelling ability infuriates me more than the problem I am writing about.

Three: I think that those of us who use a blog to puke onto are doing it with comments attached because we do want to hear your opinion and thoughts about our troubles. Usually our troubles involve those close to us so we cannot really ask their opinions. When I get a comment from someone in a totally different country, who I will probably never meet, it is both cool and thought provoking. Everyone sees my opinions and comments from totally different angles and it helps me to look at my situation differently. I like that. A paper journal I keep under the mattress won’t do this for me.

So to the prick that told Holly’d boss about her blog:
You are an asshole with some serious social issues to deal with. You have trampled on the heart and mind of a good person who just wanted to talk. She may be a radio personality but we all know that even that Stern dude cannot say everything he wants to. Blogging was her release, so that she didn’t yell at your face.

To all the others out there:
Please keep blogging, puking and releasing. Hell, I don’t agree with a whole lot of you so honestly I don’t read you, just as I am sure you don’t read me. Blogging makes that such a wonderful choice.

To family and friends:
What ever I write, deliberately or accidentally, I love you all and would never hurt you. My dad once explained to my husband that I would fight to the death to protect my family and friends.
Let it be known that that is not just words and should be taken seriously; I would fight for any person that I consider my family or my friend.

I will keep puking, writing but still holding back.

I just need a place to let ME know what is going on in my head.

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Posted by (Top)Andrea::11/01/2005 :: 15 Comments:

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