Monday, April 25, 2005

Manners

I was just in the coffee area and witnessed Fumiko giggling to herself with her hand slammed on her mouth because she could not answer a question as she had a mouth full of chips.
Manners!
Fumi is a model of Japanese manners. She has been doing Japanese calligraphy since she was 5 and can sit all proper for hours (ouch), eats with perfect chopstick grace, serves the men at parties with controlled silence and wears a kimono with ease. The only reason why she is not married yet is because she falls for guys faster than you can say their names and then turns into an obsessive girlfriend. She really is a wonderful person though,
and has perfect manners.
Li's mother, on the other hand, is the very picture of grace working in reverse.
Standing there in her new suit, all decked in her prized jewels, she looks like a lady. Just dont let her sit down or eat and she will continue to pass as one.
Her manners horrify me.
I dont think Li ever noticed this about his mother before, but in this land of kimono women and appearances first he has noticed. At first he remained quiet. If he saw me do a horrified QUICK sideways look towards his mom he would snap - WHAT?
I would answer - nothing dear, nothing at all - and keep my mouth shut.
Well at a restaurant the other day even Li could no longer contain himself and commented on her posture by mentioning the wonderful movie 'The Princess Diaries' and how the girl was tied to the chair to make her learn how to sit upright. We have since played the movie for her to watch.
What does mom do?
Well.....
She eats with her mouth open, an act that infuriates me.
She talks in full conversation with food in her mouth. Another act that makes me livid.
She burps. In public as well. Totally embarrassing. She burped in my face one time while we were hanging clothes. That pushed me over the edge and I dropped my clothes in the basket said something to Li and walked away.
She leans over the table in such a way that her entire arm and some of her chest is on the table and not just her elbow.
She uses her chopsticks for pointing. This is hugely bad in China and Japan as it is a sign of bad luck.
She is always dropping her chopsticks. At least once every meal. This isn't manners it is just mindboggling how sometimes.
When sitting in a skirt, wow, legs spread WIDE open for all to see. In some cases with her skirt hiked up. On the train she does this as well. I get embarrassed for her.
Now I do not know Chinese mannerisms very well, but what I have read tells me the above is ALL bad.
Then there is the continuous nose picking and ear picking (yuck).
Generally I have been very good at keeping quiet about it and shutting my eyes. It is just so weird as she is so contradictory.
She tries to look so fancy all the time. She wears too much jewelry and loves huge gaudy rings. This is not something that she is doing just because she is here, this is something she does all the time. She has bought two jewelry boxes since she has come as she doesn't have anything back home. She keeps all her stuff in tins. She knows well cut clothes from poor cut, and good material from bad. She can tell a well stitched dress from a shoddily done one but can not sit nicely in a skirt. Hmm.
She is so hung up on jewelry that she scrutinizes everything and everyone's, even when it is rude.
Take for example my stuff. I do not wear jewelry other then my wedding ring, watch, tiny nose ring and ear ring. If I am dressing up I might put on another ring and only a necklace if Li comments that the dress needs it. I never wear earrings but am lucky enough that my holes never grow over so can wear them if I need to. I have lots of jewelry. Some I have received from Li's mom, others I have bought. Most of it is gifts from family and a couple of inherited pieces that are considered precious to me. When I got my cool jewelry box I hauled everything out and put it all in their new special spots. She of course inspected all.
She was all gaga over this ring that Li bought me. It is cool and quite pretty but so obviously fake but was all negative about my amazing gold link chain that I inherited from my grandma.
Now this is one bloody old chain. It used to belong to her grandma and caused my mom and two aunts to pop their eyes out when my grandma gave it to me. I have worn it once and was nervous the entire time. Every time I have moved it went with me in its box in my purse rather than in the moving van or plane. Well immediately she states that there is no way that it is 24 caret gold as she has a ring that is and the colour is different. (Her ring looks fake but I kept my mouth shut. Manners would have kept hers!) She said that the sea shell attached which is flecked with only a few carets gold was really 24. Li agreed with her mostly out of exhaustion. I exploded
- It is 24 caret fucking gold! It used to belong to my great grandmother! I know it is real gold and 24 carets because it was checked by a proper jeweler for insurance reasons many years ago. AND WHO FUCKING CARES! The point is that it was my grandmothers and it is now mine!! AUGH!

What ever happened to the polite language of long ago - What a lovely dress and necklace dear.
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Posted by (Top)Andrea::4/25/2005 :: 0 Comments:

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